thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

I found some of my old editing work on a flash drive, and there was one novel which grabbed my attention and I immediately started screeching like a pterodactyl . Thankfully It never actually made it to publication because it was so bad, and the editor above me got fired for letting it get past the vetting process.

Mostly I’m just reading through it and cringing, but then I came across some of my own commentary at the side.

It starts out pretty tame. And yes, some people DO forget the names of their MC’s half way through a book. (Or the second chapter in this case, switching back and forth between Karen and Kate so much I eventually gave up.)

Then starts to become a little bit eeeeeh, and I have to make several of these changes and suggestions, mostly prompting for the language to be removed and rewritten entirely as it was VILE.

But then about chapter five I have lost my mind and well…

Basic anatomy lessons should be a requisite of all erotica writers.

noPE.

*hysterical/horrified laughter*

And finally.

2012 was a special time in my life…

Apparently this is going around again, so I might as well hit reblog and scar all of you in one fell swoop.

skammmed:

fun fact: my parents got married on april fools day so when i was 7 i tried to be funny and i made them an anniversary card that said ‘your marriage is a joke’ and my mom cried

dretanya:

aquaheartgirl:

Okay so you know how in Beauty in the Beast…

This lady can’t afford six eggs, which always struck me as a little odd but I figured maybe that was normal in a poor French village. I mean, look at all the little kids she has; she probably struggles to afford any kind of food that would feed all of them… Right?

But later we discover something interesting about Gaston:

Gaston eats five dozen eggs every day. That’s 60 eggs. SIXTY. Which adds up to 420 eggs per week. No wonder this poor village doesn’t have enough of them to go around!

Gaston, who is very well-respected and successful and probably makes good money from his fabulous hunting skills, is cornering the entire egg market. To feed his addiction, he probably has to constantly go around and buy out every farmer’s supply of eggs, which causes the price on any remaining eggs to skyrocket.

Gaston is singlehandedly destroying the town’s economy.

Way to go, Gaston. You may be popular, but I’m sure that at least the chicken farmers were relieved when you fell to your death.

pagerunner-j:

mikkeneko:

pitbullmabari:

goldengeode:

pitbullmabari:

pitbullmabari:

da2 is what happens when you get a bunch of dnd characters and then don’t really give them a campaign you just toss them into a city to live there and have Shenanigans. 

“I’m playing a elven blood mage.” “yeah, okay, what’s she doing in a human city?” “research.”

“I’m playing a dwarven bard.” “….and?” “just a dwarven bard.” “is he, like, a spy, a wandering adventure, what? why’s he away from the mountain?” “fuck if i know.”

“My character is a cleric to the god of justice who’s become disillusioned with the established orders of priests and wants to destroy them and start again. His name is Anders.” “Is he from the anderfels?” “No, of course not. He’s Ferelden.”

“My character is an elf. His name is Fenris.”
“Okay… is he a mage? Does he like… transform into a wolf?”
“No, he’s a warrior! He USED to be a slave to a mage, and as a result hates all magic.”
“Fine. Roll for strength.”
“He can use magic to rip people’s hearts out.”
“What.”
“His owner put magic ore in his veins and now he can use a magic punch.”
“…”
“…”
“Why would he-”
“Also he’s in love with a mage.”

“Is hawke hot?”

“Oh, Hawke is super hot.”

[rolls a charisma saving throw against the hot mage and fails] “SHIT”

Meanwhile Aveline’s just over here gritting her teeth because she spent three hours on her backstory carefully crafted to intertwine with the recent game lore (Ostagar) and her tragic dead husband (Wesley) and nobody else even seems interested

This explains far more than it should.